Tag Archive: Facebook

LinkedIn Lies

  1 month ago     1286 Views     6 Comments  

- You humans are so lucky. Everybody has a great job. Everybody goes to work each day feeling as excited as a fat kid set free in McDonald’s. Having a job means you spend five days a week in paradise. At least, that’s the impression I get from LinkedIn. LinkedIn is a place where people talk about work. And on LinkedIn everyone has found their dream job.       I’ll be honest: LinkedIn is a collective lie sadder than all social media combined. On Facebook…

View More

5 Businesses whose marketing is better than their product…

  2 months ago     265 Views     19 Comments  

- In the animal kingdom we eat whatever the food chain puts on the menu. You either consume what you can get your claws on or you die. In the human kingdom there is such a thing as choice. You guys have a say in what you buy. Enter the art of marketing. Marketing means creating a need for a product. In most cases marketing a product is pretty straightforward. If a product is good it is simply a matter of targeting those that would benefit from it and then politely shoving it down their throats. But in some cases…

View More

THE Go To-Place for Expressing Frustration, Hatred and Stupidity.

  2 months ago     139 Views     15 Comments  

- North Koreans don’t know it yet, but the internet is a wonderful place. It’s a democracy in overdrive. Everyone has an equal say in things. Every voice is heard. Including voices that endanger the ‘Dominant Species Trophy’ you guys obtained when opposable thumbs became a thing. Here’s what some people can be like when commenting on a Youtube video:   Commenter1: Love this. Gaga rocks! Commenter2: Wipe teh shit from yuor eyes. Gaga is a talentles wore conpared to beyonce… Commenter1: To…

View More

Death by Poker…

  3 months ago     179 Views     9 Comments  

We all need attention, aliens and humans alike. We like our existence to be validated from time to time. Just a simple acknowledgement, nothing fancy. A way to know it’s okay you occupy a bit of space on this little rock called Earth. Enter Facebook pokes, communication’s black hole. Let us first focus on the origin of the poke: You take your index finger and point to someone. You then approach this person and poke said finger in said person. You may say something like There, I poked you! or Now my finger is creating a ripple in your body…

View More

Ode to WordPress: Celebrating 100 posts on Randomnessessities.com!

  4 months ago     230 Views     47 Comments  

Dear readers, Today is legendary. Today we celebrate our 100th Randomnessessity! When 2013 started, I had no idea I’d become such an avid blogger. It all started when I saw the movie ‘Les Misérables’: over three hours of plot holes and Russell Crowe singing. I just knew something had to be done. After seeing the film, I jokingly wrote a letter to Cosette, one of the movie’s protagonists. I emailed it to a friend and figured that would be the end of it. However this friend posted it on Facebook and it subsequently went viral: over five people liked it.…

View More

Science, Selfies and Factophobia

  4 months ago     143 Views     16 Comments  

- You humans seem to be interested in two things: As the year is drawing to a close, it’s time to determine 2013’s ‘Word of the Year’. However, you humans can’t agree on what word to pick. The people behind Oxford Dictionary favour – yes, they favor with a ‘u’ – ‘Selfie’. The people of Merriam-Webster think ‘Science’ should win the trophy. For those of you unfamiliar with words, a Selfie is a meaningless picture of oneself generally posted on a social media outlet. Science is that thing that…

View More

The Tooth Fairy, A Crack Whore and Obamacare…

  4 months ago     158 Views     9 Comments  

Dear Tooth Fairy, Who the hell do you think you are? What gives you the right to come into my house? Who told you it was okay to sneak into my bedroom? Where did you get the idea it’s okay to look under my pillow? I realize the Patriot Act did to privacy what gonorrhea did to careless peeing, but you’re pushing every imaginable boundary! You’re more invasive than the Gestapo, Stasi and Apple Inc. combined! Right, like you didn't know they can track our every movement.And yes,…

View More

Sentenced to Sentence…

  5 months ago     92 Views     4 Comments  

Dear Tweetletwat, …if you even have a name, because all I know is you’re a two dimensional bird that doesn’t give me more than 140 characters to express my thoughts, which is not a lot, considering it takes a few million brain cells to conceive a thought, let alone express it, but I guess you don’t give a flying fuck, that to you quality is just something that happens to other birds, which in my opinion is fairly arrogant, considering a tweet is far from the only means of expression people have nowadays, but maybe it’s just me that tries…

View More

Big Brother, you’ve become an unperson…

  6 months ago     175 Views     2 Comments  

Dear Big Brother, Remember this conversation? MAN: Hey BB, what’s up? I saw you on TV last night! BB: Yes, I know. I was watching you. One has to admire how you managed to make witty banter so creepy. Seriously, though, I’m a bit worried about you. You used to be scary. Now, when I google your name, I see pictures of a reality TV show. Even in a political context, we’ve come to know you as this guy:…

View More