Tree House and Monkey vs. Bath House and Monkey Style: Uganda vs. Homosexuality.

Posted by  Basil the Roswell Alien   in       1 year ago     676 Views     14 Comments  

Ugandans are ignorant black people that live in tree houses, hunt melons, hump monkeys, eat bananas, think the sun is a god and are intolerant of living life any other way.

Gays are people that live in bath houses, eat each other’s excrements in the pursuit of pleasure and know no boundaries when it comes to sin and vulgarity and will do anything in their power to impose this sick lifestyle onto everyone else.

Ugandans and gays don’t go together well. This well known Youtube video shows an Ugandan pastor explaining homosexuality to his peers:


The people of what is now Uganda used to be normal. But then Muslims and Christians had an argument about whose god had the bigger dick and fought it out in what would later become Uganda. Eventually Britain won the fight and essentially turned Uganda into a bitch state.


Pictured: Great Britain installing Uganda's first government.

Pictured: Great Britain installing Uganda’s first government.


After gaining their independence in 1962, Uganda has seen its share of turmoil. I guess that makes sense: One can’t ass rape a country into existence and expect it to get up on its feet right away.

Maybe that’s why Uganda doesn’t like its former ass rapists to tell it what it can and can’t do, even if that means they have to be ignorant people that live in tree houses, hunt melons, hump monkeys and be intolerant of living life any other way.

Gay people used to be normal too, but then science and overall rational thinking figured homosexuality is about as common as a McSalad. And so gay people came out of a closet that had been closed for centuries.

Pictured: What it feels like to be able to breathe for the first time.

Pictured: What it feels like to be able to breathe for the first time. I don’t know if these people are gay. I didn’t ask, so they didn’t tell.

Maybe that’s why gays can be so in your face about being gay. If you escape a closet you celebrate. Maybe that’s why gays are people that eat each other’s excrements in the pursuit of pleasure and know no boundaries when it comes to doing anything in their power to impose this sick lifestyle onto others.

I guess Uganda doesn’t really get homosexuality. Maybe that’s why it’s common for Ugandan priests to show gay porn in churches. That way people can see just how sick gay people are.
Countless gays have seen the Youtube video above. That way they can see just how much of a backwater country Uganda is.

From Uganda’s point of view little good ever came from the West. From the gays’ point of view little good ever came out of Uganda.

While Uganda is still busy cleaning up 100 years of colonial ass rape, the gays are organizing parades in their own honor.

Maybe that’s because Ugandans are people that live in tree houses, hunt melons and hump monkeys, while gays are people that know no boundaries when it comes to imposing their sick lifestyle onto others.

I guess it makes sense Ugandans and gays don’t understand each other very well. They grew up in two completely different worlds. If I were Ugandan, I would enjoy pissing off the West. If I were gay, I would enjoy pissing off Uganda.

Uganda knows it is right, even though history has denied it a front row seat to most social and scientific breakthroughs of the past century. Ugandans grew up with prejudice. The West taught them well. Homophobia doesn’t grow in Uganda, it’s imported. It’s easy to be prejudiced when you’re a people that lives in tree houses, hunts melons and humps monkeys.

Gays know they’re right too, even though their struggle is a walk in the park compared to being ass raped by the British for over a century. Gays grew up with prejudice as well. They’re overcoming it, but perhaps they forget their fight is just one of many, maybe because they’re a people too caught up in pushing the boundaries when it comes to imposing their sick lifestyle onto others.

When Uganda looks at the West they see their former masters partying like it’s 1999. That’s harsh, considering it is already 2014 and Uganda has not been invited yet.
When the West looks at Uganda they need a map to find it.
Maybe it’s because Ugandans are people that live in tree houses and hunt melons. You don’t invite those when you’re a people imposing a sick lifestyle onto others.

Maybe Uganda has some catching up to do. Maybe Uganda wants to, but it wants to do it by itself.
Maybe gays need to look back and absorb the history they are part of. Their case is important, but progress entails so much more than just being right.

Maybe Uganda just wants to be independent, for real. Maybe it likes to rid itself of every hint of its former ass rapist. Maybe they just like to be free.
Maybe that’s because they’re people.

Maybe gays like to rid themselves of every hint of their former suppressors. Maybe they just like to be free.
Because they’re people.

Ugandans and homosexuals have a lot in common it seems. Maybe that’s why both watch a lot of gay porn.

Enjoy your journey, but beware of people, for they imagine the strangest things when they don’t understand each other.

X01BBET^a~T (pronounced Basil) is best known for being the Roswell Alien. He's been on Earth since 1947, but only recently managed to escape his human captors. He lives in hiding. Although he would very much like to return to his home planet of Burkina Faso, some 310 light years away, he has come to appreciate Homo sapiens and its accomplishments. Apart from sharing his viewpoints on a variety of human related topics, Basil is currently assembling 'The Holy Book of F.A.G.G.O.T.', a new bible for a new religion that will be known as The Church of Homosexuology.
  • Valentine

    Briljant! Je mag een eiland uitkiezen xxx

    • Basil the Roswell Alien

      Hey! Wat lief dat je ff op mn site komt! (En ja, ik leef nog en was van plan je komend weekend weer eens uitgebreid te mailen…)
      Also, I prefer not to communicate in my alien language on this site. People might somehow get the impression I’m Dutch (and not from Burkina Faso, my home planet;))
      Maar omdat jij het bent: thanks dat je ff een berichtje achter hebt gelaten!

  • belle.beckford

    Where to start? This Uganda thing has been going on for far too long. I am still in awe at pastors who are so wrapped up in their religion that somehow showing gay porn in church is just a run of the mill type sermon. It seems the country has been rid of every other sin in existence and now they must put full focus on the homosexuality situation. Or maybe it’s just time to watch some gay porn in church? Can I get an “Amen!!”?

    I don’t know the history of Uganda, but they were not the only ones ass-raped by the British. I would venture that most of the Commonwealth was, or still is, so what’s so unique about Uganda evolving into this state? Again, I’ll have to go do my research.

    It’s very sad that this particular pastor has taken up this cause so vehemently. I wonder if he has some urges to suppress? Where in hell did he get gay porn, too? Private collection??

    Also, Basil, I haven’t heard anyone use the term “backwater country” since I left Jamaica over 10 years ago. Ahh, takes me back… :)

    • Lester Beaver

      I think part of the reason gay porn is being shown in churches is because it’s suppressed too much. I’m not saying everyone that watches gay porn is gay, but the moment you forbid something it becomes interesting. If there’d be a law saying I can’t watch ‘Dancing with the Stars’, I’d probably start watching that show too.

      Indeed Uganda is far from the only former British colony/protectorate. Then again, homosexuality is illegal in many African countries, not just Uganda.

      As you may remember I spent a few years in Suriname, which is a former Dutch colony. Suriname is fairly gay friendly compared to most Caribbean countries (I’ve been told Jamaica is harsh for homosexuals, is that true as far as you can tell?). Still I experienced that when a country that has only recently become independent, they really want to be just that; independent. Surinamese people tend not to like Dutch people telling them what they can and can’t do. It’s understandable, even if the Dutch are right.

      In the case of Uganda and many other countries, they were basically raised by the British. For instance, their current sodomy laws were penned down by the British. I think it’s fair to say that their prejudice against sexual minorities is a product of a culture the West fed them. Then after the West left it started partying and doing pretty much everything they taught Ugandans was sinful. I can imagine this must be somewhat confusing to Uganda and other former colonies: I mean, first they’re forcefed the bible for a century and then the same people tell them gays are equal.

      If I were Ugandan, I’d probably want to be independent more than I want to be right. I’d want the freedom to make my own mistakes.

      Basically I’m saying that the situation in Uganda is a direct result of what the West taught them. It’s kind of a bold statement and the truth is probably more complicated, but I believe this is a factor the West easily overlooks.
      Uganda doesn’t need white people telling them they’re doing it wrong. They had their share of those…
      Thanks for reading and commenting on this post. I really appreciate it!

      • Basil the Roswell Alien

        Oops…accidentally had Lester do the talking for me there:S

        • belle.beckford

          I wasn’t gonna say…

      • belle.beckford

        Homosexuality is still illegal in Jamaica. I mean it’s one of those laws that’s been on the books since pre- independence. The problem is proving it. Now if youre caught in an act of public indecency you can spend the night in jail but that’s whether it was a gay or straight encounter. Whenever anyone attempts to have a conversation about taking this ridiculous law off the books, the church steps in and people back down.

        The thing about homosexuality in Jamaica (to me) is that people might condemn it, singers sing about it, but I think everyone knows at least one person who is gay. I know a few. No one is bothering them either. It just seems the thing to condemn the gays all the time.

        I’m hoping the more people there are exposed to outside influences, attitudes will change.

        • Lester Beaver

          Yeah, I think homosexuality works like that in a lot of countries. People know about it but are okay with it as long as they’re not confronted with it…

  • mikesteeden

    A satirical left hook at the Ugandan stereotype leaving them on the deck yet not out for the count – yet! In essence you given them another chance and in doing so you mock them effectively for they would offer no such compassion to gays. Brilliant, clever piece of writing. As a heterosexual, atheist libertarian and supporter of gay right I just find it a pity you had to put pen to paper but understand you had to in a world where so many ignorant twats are trying to play ‘god.’ By the way the YouTube video comes up with the message, ‘Not available in your country.’ Censored in the UK? Worrying if that be the case.

    • Basil the Roswell Alien

      Thanks, Mike…I was afraid the racism in this piece may be taken the wrong way (as offensive, rather than illustrative)…
      It’s a pity the video doesn’t play in the UK. It would surprise if this was censored in the UK, for I can’t see how this would infringe on either Britain’s ethics or copyright laws…it’s definitely worth the watch. Perhaps you can find it among the links here:

      • belle.beckford

        I also hope no one takes your satirical racism as offensive either. I mean, we know you…but that’s the chance you have to take sometimes.

        • Basil the Roswell Alien

          Thanks…it was kind of a chance…(well, this site doesn’t get that much traffic besides the people that read my earlier posts, so the risk wasn’t that big)…but I’m glad you took the racism as it was intended.

  • john zande

    What can I say except for, B R I L L I A N T

    • Basil the Roswell Alien

      What can I say except for, T H A N K Y O U!